Lazy N' Crazy
by Xalterro
Summary: So we've got two best friends going off to college. Alex is one of these two guys. He absolutely adores Pokémon, and even has some of his own. Brian is the other guy. However, he isn't as fond of them as Alex is. In fact, he hates them! Watch a silly story unfold as two unlikely pals attempt to survive getting a higher education! Wow, this isn't much space for a summary...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! It's just me. I wanna give you guys an idea on how this story is gonna go down. My writing style is a liiittle different from what you may normally see from most writers, and it may take a bit of time to get used to. Unless you count the weird way I do quotations in dialogue, my stories are almost always spelling and grammar error free. In this story, I'm likely to stick with an over the shoulder third-person view. There are two "protagonists" to this story, which we will typically alternate between for each chapter. **

**Lastly, this story is a creative exercise, so the first few chapters will be starting off a bit slow (and in some places awkward). It's good to get to know your characters a little bit first before they start doing stuff, right? Don't worry, things'll start speeding up once we've got a good rhythm going. Anyway, the time for rambling has come to an end. Enjoy the first chapter of Lazy N' Crazy!**

High school graduation always has that bittersweet feeling to it. Somewhat akin to the old saying: "Out of the frying pan and into the fire". It opens up many possibilities for the future, but not nearly enough to ensure that one can be happy and successful in life. That is, unless you get extremely lucky. No, the only way to truly make your mark in the world is to attend a university and go through _even more_ schooling.

All right, that's enough ranting for now. You'll learn everything you need to know by reading the story yourself. Can't reveal everything with just exposition, after all. Why, that'd be totally boring! With that, let's dive right in and see what cruel fate that life has in store for its next hapless victims…

'Twas the middle of a hot summer day, and the ability to sweat aplenty could be found in people who moved around outside too much. Inside a cozy home residence, a family of four is playing a game of Scrabble. Or rather, a family of four human beings. In the family's rather large backyard, five different creatures could be seen doing various activities outside. Another one was inside with the family, watching them play, as if entranced by some ancient ritual.

The backyard was, for the most part, smooth and grassy. However, what set this one apart from the rest of the yards was the small peninsula of land jutting out into the family's back pond. This peninsula had one large tree in the center of it, with a decorative windmill near the water's edge to add to the place's rustic, yet simplistic design. It was here that the creatures usually stayed at when one wasn't inside the house, as their owner's parents would only allow one inside at a time. Unless the weather wasn't favorable, that is.

Inside the house, the family was reminiscing over their recent summer vacation trip to Europe. This family was known to the world as the Zinners. Well, they weren't famous or anything; that's just what their last names were. As they concluded their game and proceeded to put everything away, one of them went out to go pick up the mail from the post office.

Sandy, the mother of the family, was upstairs cleaning up the house. The second floor of the house pretty much belonged to the two siblings. She took one look at the brother's room, and looked as if she had just seen the end of the universe.

"Oh my goodness. Alex! Get in here and clean up your room! It looks as if a bomb went off up here!" Sandy shouted down the balcony.

"What do you mean? None of my Pokémon know Selfdestruct!" shouted Alex from downstairs.

"Apparently YOU do, young man! Hurry up!" retorted his mother.

She then walked into the bathroom that the siblings shared and had a look on her face that looked even worse than the last one she made.

"Oh for pete's sake, Alex! There's toothpaste all over the sink, and the bottom of the toilet seat has urine and shit caked onto it!" Sandy looked as if she was about to explode. "Get up here right now and clean it up!"

"Fine, just give me a moment." said a defeated Alex.

Alex pondered for a moment before heading up to his room, and then an idea came into his head. Roberta was his newest Pokémon, and he thought that he could reduce his labor in half by having it use its powers to clean up his room. What better way to bond with it than make it do his chores for him? It's pure genius!

You'd think that Alex would clean up the rooms himself, right? BZZZT! You're wrong! As you can already see, Alex is a total slob. He dislikes doing many of his chores himself, and often has his Pokémon do as much of the work for him as possible. The only exceptions to this trait of his are when he does computer and class work.

However, his mother made sure that HE was the one to at least clean the bathroom, so there was no getting out of this one. He got some Deoxyclean from the pantry closet and headed outside to fetch Roberta.

Roberta was a species of Pokémon called Meowstic. This one in particular was a female. Alex had obtained her a long while ago when she was still an Espurr, its pre-evolution. Ever since then, he's cared for it long enough for it to evolve into this new form.

She was sitting on the top branch of the big tree in the backyard's peninsula, grooming her fur. While she did what the Zinners told her to do (most of the time), she still acted snooty and aloof in comparison to all of Alex's other Pokémon. She always had this cold and uncaring look on her face, no matter what went on around her.

Alex went outside and looked around until he saw her. He gingerly skipped over to the tree and called her name from the bottom of it. "Roberta, I need your help with something."

She looked at him and responded with a nonchalant "Meow" before she climbed down the tree and followed Alex back into the house.

Alex leads Roberta up the stairs to his room. After she looked into his room, her normally expressionless face turned into a scowl that almost made an arch from one end of her face to the other. Now she knows why this boy's mother was yelling so loudly earlier.

A cobble of wires and cable boxes littered the room floor, and clothing was strewn about on just about every flat surface available. Socks, T-shirts, tighty whiteys stained brown in the back… You name it. Alongside that, there were empty soda cans, soda bottles, and a wide variety of junk food wrappers on every space that wasn't already occupied by clothing or cables. One of the two-liter bottles was actually knocked over on Alex's computer desk, and hot soda was pretty much hardened onto the surface, making everything stick to it. It's a wonder that the liquid managed to avoid the computer residing on the desk!

"Roberta, please escort my clothes to the laundry area." Alex said, as if this were an everyday occurrence. Despite this fact, this had set a record for his room's messiness factor.

Roberta once again replied with a "meow", though this time it was a bit more strained than before.

All the clothing on the ground would have been a complete hassle to pick up by hand, but Roberta had abilities that let her handle the task with ease. One by one, the articles of clothing all rose up from the ground and formed into a big ball of dirty laundry.

Suddenly, a lone pair of tighty whiteys with the heaviest amount of staining on it separates itself from the hulking mass of clothing and wraps itself around Alex's head! Alex's sister, Belle, was in the hallway when she saw this, and was a little alarmed at the site.

"Alex?" said Belle as she walked up to him.

Alex turned around in a similar style to the dramatic Watchog (kudos if you get this reference), and gave his sister a quizzical look. His eyes were peeking through the undergarment's leg holes, while his nose and mouth were poking out through the nether region.

"Hahahaha! You look like a luchador! You totally deserved that!" Belle stifled through muffled giggles.

"Mom would agree." said Alex with a sigh.

Feeling satisfied now that Alex got the message, Roberta unwrapped the smelly underwear from his head and returned it to the wad of clothes before heading down the stairs towards the laundry room.

While Roberta was putting away the laundry, Alex went over to his desk and began plucking the cans, bottles, and plastic snack bags from his sticky mess of a desk. He was thinking about throwing them into his waste tin a few feet away, but he decided that it'd take too much effort to do so, so he decided to just pile them up on the floor.

After he Deoxycleaned his desk back to working order, Roberta came back upstairs for her second set of chores. Or rather, Alex's second set of chores.

Alex motioned to the pile of trash on the floor and said, "Take the bottles and cans from this pile and put them into the recycling bin, and then put the wrappers into the trash bin."

Roberta obeyed once again, and left with the garbage pile. After many bouts of almost faceplanting over the various cables, Alex managed to rearrange them back to where they needed to be.

Roberta came back upstairs once again. Although her face didn't show it, she was beginning to lose her patience. Alex could somehow tell that this was the case, so he finally caved in.

"Thanks for helping me clean up." Alex said as he reached for a box filled with strange pink candy-like treats. "You've been a good girl, so you can go back to playing for the day."

Roberta was given two of the treats and walked off back to her favorite spot. Had she not had this to look forward to, she would definitely not have helped Alex with his chores. Not that she should have in the first place!

Alex was about to go back downstairs and play some Dance Dance Revolution… Before he realized that he still had to clean his bathroom. Alex grabbed the Deoxyclean spray bottle and a rag, and prepared for the worst.

While he considers it _his_ bathroom, Belle's room was also upstairs alongside Alex's, so she also used it. Inside the bathroom, the sink had two faucets. One side belonged to Belle, while the other belonged to Alex. Belle's side of the sink was reasonably clean, while Alex's entire half was covered in a thick layer of white toothpaste. The sink was supposed to be dark green, so it was anything but Alex's opinion of it being "unnoticeable".

Alex had to remove all of the toiletries from the sink and scrub it down with the bleach. Cleaning it off was surprisingly easy, though it never occurred to Alex to just wash it off after he brushed his teeth every day.

And lastly, Alex turned his attention to the toilet seat. On the top, the toilet seat looked like nothing out of the ordinary. He couldn't see what his mom was so bent out of shape for. He then lifted up the toilet seat and gagged like an anorexic supermodel trying to void her body of the last meal she ate.

The toilet seat's bottom had urine and feces built up on it, all right. It was so built up that the urine had turned into a crusty yellow texture, with dabs of poop spanning through it. It's amazing how neither Belle nor Alex could actually SMELL the stuff! It would be a serious risk to their health to continue using this toilet seat as it currently was, so Alex had to act now.

Alex steeled himself and grabbed his weapons, knowing that he may not return from this battle alive. He fired his Deoxyclean beam into the enemy lines, only to activate their long-dormant poison gas traps in the process! He was sent reeling by the noxious fumes released from the bacteria, almost losing his precious lunch in the process. Alex was forced to retreat from his attack on the toilet encampment.

However, Alex returned with his second wind and continued his assault on the pathogenic fortress, now armed with a dishrag gas mask! The odds tilted back into his favor, and he began scrubbing away the enemy forces with renewed vigor! However, he reached a solid wall of urine that was taking a toll on his scrubbing arm. On top of that, the side effects of breathing through the recently used dishrag were starting to take effect on Alex, enhancing the deadly effect of the gaseous release permeating the bathroom air! Alex seemed as though he was about to lose this battle a second time…

But Alex refuses to accept defeat! He threw aside the dishrag and simultaneously pinched his nose closed and held his breath. Using the last of his Deoxyclean ammunition, Alex had to scrub with all his might, even though all odds were against him. With one last minute of scrubbing, Alex had vanquished the last of his smelly foes.

Alex stumbled out of the bathroom and fell face-first onto the hallway floor. He had accomplished something great today. While the world may not know of the noble work performed here, he knew that he made a difference… For the first time in his life, he gave a true effort in something besides school.

Wait, where was this going, again? The narrator must've lost his train of thought or something. Oh well! Let's go see what's cookin' with the Xalterro family!


	2. Chapter 2

**I wonder how we even conceived the idea of fanfiction... It's so wonderfully absurd!**

In a not so far away neighborhood, another boy who just recently graduated from high school, like our pal, Alex, was walking through his neighborhood. Holy crap, that was a lot of commas. There goes another one! Whoops, don't want to get sidetracked again…

The boy, and only child of the Dysley family, was walking at a rather relaxed pace, looking up at the night sky. On the inky blanket of the sky towering above him, a countless number of stars made their presence known to all who beheld their wondrous glow. Among them, constellations like Big Dipper and Orion's Belt stood out among the rest of the stars.

'While many stars make their difficult journey into the sky, only a select few can truly shine out amongst the chaff. Because of that, the dimmer ones are either forgotten or just flat-out ignored. I wonder if I'll become a great constellation among the blanket of humanity…?' Brian pondered as he walked.

Brian was a very diligent student, as far as academics were concerned. In fact, he was one of the most intelligent minds during his high school years. While he was looked down upon by many of his fellow students, he was a valuable friend to those he deemed pure of heart. In other words, he didn't have many friends!

Alex, the guy who knocked himself out while cleaning up dried bodily waste earlier, was one of those said friends from way back in elementary school. Although they knew each other for almost ten years, they didn't actually attend the same high school. Rather, they grew to know each other better through their various experiences in Boy Scouts during that period of time. Maybe you'll get to hear some of these stories later, if you behave…

As mentioned earlier, Brian had a small number of friends, but they were ones that he would trust with his life. However, most of his classmates (and some of his teachers) looked upon him with disdain every time they saw him.

Some of his teachers weren't that fond of him due to his mischievous tendencies. While he was an excellent student in terms of his grades, he had received more than a few discipline notices. This was the main reason as to why he wasn't honored as one of the school's valedictorians during graduation, much to the ire of his parents.

One of the very first misdeeds that Brian had committed was when he was a freshman. One day, his English classroom had an empty box next to the podium at the center of the room that the teacher had left earlier. That day was her birthday, and all the students wanted to surprise her. Brian was the only one small and agile enough to completely fit inside the box, so he hid himself inside.

Harmless little prank, right? Well, karma has a way of biting people in the arse. Especially Brian's arse. As class started, Brian waited for the teacher to approach the podium so that he could jump out and say "Happy Birthday!" However, when he jumped out of the box, it was not his English teacher at the podium… It was his principal, who was doing surprise class performance evaluations!

A discipline notice and an in-school suspension later, Brian became the talk of both the teachers and the students ever since then. That wasn't the last that people saw of the little miscreant's antics, either. However, what made some people _really_ dislike him was a trait of his that few people shared in this day and age… We'll save that for a little later, though.

Brian shook off his trip down memory lane as he finally made it back home from his walk. While the warm summer's night breeze was very soothing, it just didn't feel as good as his home sweet home. Well, that and the tiny nocturnal bugs kept trying to fly into his facial orifices with every passing second.

Brian unlocked the door and entered his humble home. Since it was 10:00 pm, his parents were both asleep. He wasn't quite feeling full of beans that day, so he had decided to also turn in for the night.

Unlike Alex's pigsty of a bedroom, Brian's bedroom was very clean and organized. At the corner of his room was a small bed. He also had a widescreen TV at the back of the room with a Wii U and a Playstation 4 underneath it. At the far left of his room was a bookcase with a cavalcade of various textbooks and novels (neatly) crammed into it.

Lastly, between his bed and his TV area was his work desk. On it was a miniature cabinet of various schooling utensils, his laptop, and his giant coffee mug for the nights that he needed to spend power-studying.

Brian changed into his awesome pajamas and proceeded to do an awesome backflip onto his awesome bed, but not without accidentally smacking one of his awesome toes against his awesome ceiling fan.

Brian flopped off of his bed and held his big toe in pain for a few short moments, silently pushing out obscenities through his clenched teeth. Seemingly everything he ever did in life would yield something bad happening to him, no matter how obscure it would be. That's what he thought, anyway.

Brian jumped around on his foot that wasn't hurting until the pain wore off. After he could wiggle his toe again, he got into his bed and crawled under the covers. However, he wasn't really used to sleeping this early on a summer night. Rather than simply fall asleep, he stared at the spinning fan above him and started thinking about his future.

'I have lots of options in front of me, but I want one that'll keep me both happy and well-endowed with loadsamoney. I wouldn't spoil myself like most rich pricks by buying unnecessarily expensive toys and whatnot, but having enough saved up for an emergency is always nice…' Brian thought to himself.

Brian's mother, Young, was always stingy when it came to spending money. She drilled this idea of having an altruistic motive of obtaining as much money as possible into his head from an early age. Although it never completely rubbed off on him, it eventually influenced his later decisions in a small way, especially in his last thought bubble.

Brian's father, Matt, on the other hand, wanted Brian to be happy in his life. While having a large amount of money available wasn't necessarily a bad thing, having a career that completely drains a person of their livelihood can pretty much cancel that out.

Brian had planned on waiting out the fall school season in order to both get some well-deserved rest and carefully plan out his career path through college. He didn't want to be like those people who had to change their major two years in because they ended up not liking where they were going, after all!

Brian used the last of his conscious brain power as he pandered for ideas, and eventually drifted off into slumber.

…

EEHN! EEHN! EEHN!

Brian's alarm clock went off at about 7:30 in the morning. He hated every beep to ever come from the wretched contraption, but it always did its job of waking him up. If he slept beyond 8:00 am on any given day that he didn't have school, his mother would drop ice cubes on his chest (or back) in order to wake him up.

Brian clocked his alarm clock right in its numerical face, but it wouldn't stop beeping for some strange reason. Two minutes of noise later, he became conscious enough to figure out what the sleep button was for. He slowly sat up, not much unlike a mummy arising from its sarcophagus. After also groaning like a mummy, he flopped out of his bed and went to prepare himself for the day.

Although Brian was fairly used to waking up at this hour, he was still tired. He managed to shamble over to his bathroom without falling flat on his face, even though his eyes were shut the whole way there.

He grabbed a comb with one hand, and grabbed a toothbrush with the other. He liked to multi-task this menial set of chores in order to save time. He put some toothpaste on his comb and began brushing his teeth with it as he combed his hair with his toothbrush. Guess he was still a liiiiittle tired. Just a little.

After his teeth looked neat and his hair smelled minty fresh, Brian decided to take a shower to see if he couldn't wash off his sleepiness that way. After the warm water reached his skin, he was instantly brought back to his former glory. After he dried himself off, he headed downstairs to make sure his parents were aware of his awakened state.

Brian went downstairs to the living room after he got himself dressed. In a door near the bottom of the staircase was an exercise room. His mother was running on a treadmill while watching a home shopping network on the TV. She was a strange one, Brian's mother. Because today was a weekend, she didn't wake up as early as she usually did. However, on her work days, she usually went to sleep at around 11:00 pm, but she still somehow managed to wake up at around 4:00 am without the help of her alarm clock.

Brian silently slipped past the exercise room and went into the living room. Matt was sitting in front of his laptop, multi-tasking taking care of his work and playing around on Facebook. It's as if the trait of multi-tasking ran in the family!

Matt looked up and greeted Brian. "Mornin', son! We noticed that you didn't get home before we hit the hay last night. Is something up?"

"Just getting a little bit of fresh air. I was also trying to avoid… You know." Brian mumbled in a shifty manner.

At that moment, Young heard Brian's voice and stopped her exercise routine. She turned off the treadmill and stomped into the living room with an enraged expression.

"What are you still doing here?!" She yelled. "I told you to get out! You're nothing but a jobless piece of trash! I told you to be a perfectly devoted student so that you could be accepted into a scholarship for the top colleges, and you can't even get THAT right!"

Brian didn't say anything, and kept his calm demeanor intact. If she weren't his mother, he would likely have beaten her within an inch of her life for all the times she's insulted his academic prowess. However, because she was a part of his family, he would still give everything to make them happy. Also, she's a middle-aged woman, so of course she's going to be moody eighty percent of the time.

"Honey, give him a rest, already. He's had straight A's all through school. I'm sure he can apply to any college he wants and can still get a decent scholarship, if not one of the best." Matt said while trying his best to not yell back at her.

Young was a South Korean woman, and her family's custom was to have every member of the family be as perfect and successful as possible. Whenever she heard of a child who was more scholastically active than Brian was, she'd always go berserk like this. Despite her frequent fits of menopausal rage, she would never physically harm any of her family members.

Matt was definitely more laid back than Young was, if you couldn't already tell. Although he didn't anticipate that Brian would be as intelligent as he was, he was very proud of his son's accomplishments, and praised him for every good report card that he brought back home. Of course, he disciplined Brian whenever he did something stupid at school, like stuff one of his classmate's lockers full of ping pong balls.

"Straight A's?! I don't care! One of my co-worker's sons graduated from medical school when he was seventeen. Brian's sixteen, and he hasn't even enrolled for regular college classes yet! Summer is almost over, and he doesn't even have a job! He's useless! I want him out of the house. OUT!" yelled Young with unyielding volume.

Brian tried his best to defuse his angry mother. "I'm not old enough to work yet, Mom. Besides, I'm only taking the fall season off to think of what I want my future career to be. I also want to find a college that best suits my interests. Either way, you can't just kick me out; I can't survive on my own without any money to sustain myself with! Heck, I can't even drive yet, let alone get a job!"

As Brian pleaded with his mother, Matt suddenly perked up and smiled. He got up and went over to the kitchen counter. After fumbling around yesterday's mail for a few moments, he brought back an envelope addressed to Brian.

"Give it a rest already, Young!" Matt handed Brian the letter. "Son, this letter came in yesterday a little while after you left. I was going to show it to your mother so that she wouldn't act this way, but I guess I forgot."

Brian was relieved that his father kept his mother from having another angry outburst, even if it was momentarily. As the letter was already open, Matt must have been sure that this would solve Brian's problems after reading it.

The paper inside the envelope had a strange emblem at the top of it, with the words "Glendosh University" directly below it. Brian had heard of this college on the news. It was a relatively new university; one that was less than ten years old. However, it was made famous because of all the famous people like celebrities that went there to get an education. It may also be because the cost of the school's very high tuition and housing rates.

Brian didn't know very much about this particular college, but getting a letter from the university itself was a great sign. Well, any university would have been swell to him, but this was different. If he went to a college like this, then he'd have absolutely no problems getting himself into a stable career. With his mind atwitter with giddiness, Brian read the letter aloud…

"Dear Brian Dysley,

Due to your excellent academic performance, your high school has sent us your transcript, ACT score, SAT score, and Advanced Placement scores as a candidate for student recommendations. We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted as a possible student attendee of our campus. If you choose to enroll for classes and apply for housing with us, the university will waive any tuition, book fees, housing, and meal fees that you may owe. If you have any further questions, please contact us at…"

Brian couldn't believe what he was hearing. This college wanted a small fry like him? It was almost too good to be true! In fact, Brian was so sure that this was just some sort of dream or illusion that he gave himself one of those sobering slaps in order to wake himself up.

THWAP!

Sure enough, Brian was in the same spot, still holding onto the letter as if it was his saving grace. And it was, because his mother would definitely have thrown him onto the streets had he not enrolled for classes.

"Isn't this wonderful, Mom? Now I can leave the house of my own accord without you booting me out the door. I'll be all set to be on my own over there, too. In fact, I won't need you with anything! Kehehehehe!" said Brian with a slight cackle.

Brian thought that his mother would be fuming at his sudden fortune. However, she was actually smiling. She hadn't smiled since the day of his graduation almost three months ago!

"That's good! You'll finally get to see what it's like to be an adult before you get a job. We won't have to give you any money when you go over there, either." said Young in a surprisingly happy manner.

Of course she'd be happy about that. The more money there was in her savings, the less anger there was that came from her mouth.

Matt was relieved that his wife had finally calmed down. "Well son, you'd better hurry up and contact the university so you can take care of everything. Opportunities like this only come around once in a lifetime!"

It was surprising that the university would choose a small fry like him, since he wasn't famous and/or a genius. The two didn't always go hand in hand, either. Then again, the university was well known for actually inviting its student body, rather than having the students directly apply to it themselves.

Gathering his resolve, Brian began making the necessary calls to set up his orientation.

While Brian took care of his college business, Alex was about to awaken from his piss-induced slumber…


End file.
